●愛する人への恋文サッポロ一番塩ラーメンが一袋(5食分)199円ってマジかよ。だが・・・、『お1人様1袋限り』と書かれていた。ちくしょう、なんてこった・・・。

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サッポロ一番塩ラーメンが一袋(5食分)199円ってマジかよ。だが・・・、『お1人様1袋限り』と書かれていた。ちくしょう、なんてこった・・・。

いつものように、スーパー、黒潮市場熊本龍田店に立ち寄る俺。
するとなんと、サッポロ一番塩ラーメンが一袋(5食分)199円で特売されていた。いつもは399円で売られているのだ。
「マジかよぉおぉぉ！？」と驚嘆する俺。俺の大大大好物なんだ、この世のものとは思えない程美味しいんだ。ゴマが反則なんだ。
だが・・・、『お1人様1袋限り』と書かれていた。

「ちくしょう、なんてこった」と呟き、ビデオ屋のアダルトコーナーから出た時に女友達と遭遇した時ばりに思考を働かせる俺。

考えた末に、実兄の豪邸に向かう俺。訳のわからないセキリュティシステムに暗証番号を打ち込み、侵入する俺。

すると、甥っ子が「あんなクズのブログ見るなって言っただろ！」と両親から激怒されていた。
どうやらまた俺が原因らしい。

「やってるやってる。お邪魔するよスパルタ夫婦さん」俺は茶化し気味に実兄と、息子を連れて兄と再婚した義姉に挨拶をする。
「なんだクズ？　失せろ」と履き捨てると共に、福沢諭吉を床に投げ捨てる兄。
俺はその紙幣をさり気無く拾いポケットの中に入れ、
「バカやろう！！」と叫び、ブライト・ノアばりに平手打ちを食らわす。
「・・・」
その無感情の反応に、「殴ったね、親父にも殴られたこと無いのに！」って言わない事に不満と疑問を持ったが俺は男の子なのでグッと堪えた。
「兄貴、思い出せよ・・・。ガキの頃親父のエロ本こっそり読んだりしてたじゃないか？　子供ってそんなもんだろ！？」と俺は涙ながらに訴え諭す。
「うう・・・ずまん」泣きながら謝罪して来る。どうやら俺の魂の叫びは胸を打ち、理解してくれたようだ。
「わかってくれたらいいんだよ・・・」と強く抱きしめる俺。
ケンタは将来児童虐待相談員になり、苦しんでる多くの親子達を救う事になるが、それはまた別の話であったし、この時の俺には知る由も無かった。
「ちょっとケンタ借りるね」と、ケンタを引っ張りスーパーに戻る俺。
「ほいこれ」とケンタに199円を渡しサッポロ一番塩ラーメンを買わせた。
「サンキューな」それを受け取り俺は次の目的地へと向かった。

近くの樹海だった。自殺志願者がいた。

「おいお前、やめろ・・・。やめるんだ！」俺は慌てて制止する。ついでに精子を出す。
「とめないでくれ。これやるよ！　どうせ死ぬんだからもういらないし・・・」と自殺志願者はロレックス(ROLEX)の腕時計を投げ捨てた。俺はそれをさり気無く拾い、ポケットに入れた。そして口を開く。

「いいか？　お前が無駄に過ごした『今日』は昨日死んだ誰かが死ぬほど生きたかった『明日』なんだよおぉぉぉぉぉっ！！」と、森の中の生き物の咆哮の如く叫ぶ俺。
「うう、すいませんでした・・・。僕、僕・・・生きます」と、生きる希望が沸いて来た自殺志願者。
「わかってくれたらいいんだよ」と俺は強く抱きしめる。この自殺志願者は将来自殺防止センターの職員になり、苦しんでる多くの自殺志願者を救う事になるが、それはまた別の話であったし、この時の俺には知る由も無かった。
「じゃあ、来い」と有無を言わさず引っ張りスーパーに連れて行く俺。
「じゃあこれ」と199円を渡しサッポロ一番塩ラーメンを買わせた。
「ありがとな」サッポロ一番塩ラーメンを渡して貰いお礼を述べ、次の場所へと向かう俺。

「ようひきこもりっ！！」中学卒業してから10年間はひきこもってる親友の自宅だった。
「何か用か？」パソコン画面から視線を逸らさずに聞いて来る親友。
「お前さ、そろそろ外の世界も見てみないか？」と説得する俺。
「なんだいきなり。うぜえ。これやるから消えろよ」と、国民的人気キャラクター『惣流・アスカ・ラングレー』
のフィギュアを投げ捨てる親友。俺はそれをさり気無く拾い、パンツの中に入れた。そして口を開く。
「死んだオフクロさんが言ってたよなあ？　社会に適合出来なくてもいい、群れに属せなくてもいい。ただ自分らしく生きててくれればってさ」力説する俺。
「・・・」物凄いスピードでタイピングしながら、黙って聞いている親友。
「でも今のお前はなんだよ！　ただ篭ってるだけじゃねえか！　そんなんが『お前らしい』のかよ！？」と強く問いかける俺。
「母ちゃん・・・」タイピングの手を止め、泣き出す親友。
「わかってくれたらいいんだよ」と俺は強く抱きしめる。親友は将来引きこもりを救う会の会長になり、苦しんでる多くのひきこもりを救う事になるが、それはまた別の話であったし、この時の俺には知る由も無かった。

「まあ、来い」と有無を言わさず引っ張りスーパーに連れて行く俺。
「じゃあこれ」と199円を渡しサッポロ一番塩ラーメンを買わせた。
「礼を言うぜ。辛くなったら、どんな顔して生きたらいいのかわからなくなったら、笑えばいいと思うぜ」サッポロ一番塩ラーメンを渡して貰いお礼を述べ、家路に向かう俺。

袋には大量の『サッポロ一番塩ラーメン』が入っている。
「これでしばらくはもつなあ、うしし」と、あのありえない程美味しい味を想像して歓喜する俺。

俺は人生で5位には入る、有意義な日を過ごし実に満足していた。

4位・・・生まれて初めて牛カルビを食べた日
3位・・・地獄先生ぬ～べ～(著：岡野剛)の最終回を読んで感動した日
2位・・・スーパーファミコンソフト『風来のシレン』でフェイの最終問題をクリアーした日
1位・・・漫画とかに出てくるようなウンコ排出に成功した日

そもそも俺の人生自体が有意義ではなかった気がするのだが、深くは考えない事にした。

Pagetop

2010年10月14日の夕飯(カレーライス)。自宅＆空と川と大地の風景 « ホーム » 2010年10月13日の夕飯(チラシ寿司)。黒潮市場熊本龍田店→自宅＆空と川と大地の風景

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コメントの投稿

13332

No title

深い。

不快。

深い。

2010-10-14 21:24
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サッポロ一番味噌ラーメンのほうが好きです。でも王将ラーメンはもっと好きです。

2010-10-14 21:33
名乗る程の者では無 URL
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2010-10-14 21:50
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2010-10-14 21:52
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いつも思うんですけど、
記事を書く時間はもちろんなんですけど
考える時間ってどれぐらいかかってるんですか？
確か以前に「その時思いついたのを書いてる」と語ってくれたと記憶しているのですが、嘘ですよね。
構想して練ってますよね。
思いつきで連日これだけの作品を生み出してるんですか？
嘘ですよね。

2010-10-14 22:03
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読むのめんどいから読んでないけど、ｗｗｗ

１回出入りしてから

また入ればいいんじゃん？ｗｗｗ

2010-10-14 22:22
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まぁあれだ手帳の件は本人や周りのプライドが高くて貰わなければ手帳の恩恵は受けられないし
まともでもガチでも毎日これだけ続けてるって事がやっぱり凄いんだよな

2010-10-14 23:08
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うまかっちゃん

お絵ブログに意味不明なコメありがとｗｗってな訳で、訪問しました。
塩ラーメン確かに美味いし好きだｗしかし、私は、その隣の「うまかっちゃん」の方がもっと好き～東京じゃ滅多にお目にかかれないが好きだ。懐かしい田舎の味だｗ
そして、2位・・・スーパーファミコンソフト『風来のシレン』でフェイの最終問題をクリアーした日。ダンジョンマニアの私も同感ｗ

2010-10-15 00:37
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面白すぎ。
下手な文章だな・・・って思いながらも最後まで読んでしまう不思議な魔力があります！(賛辞ですよ

2010-10-15 00:55
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2010-10-15 01:13
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さり気なく拾ってるくだりでふいたｗ

2010-10-15 11:44
名乗る程の者では無 URL
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こないだ（っていってもずっと前だけど・・・ってどうでもいいですよねあぅあぅ）卵が１００円かそれくらいで売ってて、しかもそれがお一人様一個限りで、
母「一人だけや。。お前、買ってきて。。。」
僕はしぶしぶ、しかもまだ１０才なので、たまご一個買いにいくのに恥ずかしながら買いにいきました。
そしたら、僕の前にいるおばさんが
その卵を３個ぐらいなにごともないように買っていました。
呆然でした。

そんなにまじめにいなくていいと思いますよっ。
１０個ぐらいでも買っちゃっても大丈夫ｂ
店員さんはそんなこと言いませんよ（と思いますｗ）。
てか気づかないと思う・・・。
もし言ってきたら
「はぅう、気づきませんでしたなのです～。。ごめんなさいごめんなさいごめんなさいごめんなさい・・・」
ってあぅあぅしてたら大丈夫でしょう！（ヲィｗ
主さんかぁいいから＞＜。

2010-10-15 15:02
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生活費がらみ、つっこまれて即座に文中に盛り込んでくる気配りに主の誠実さを感じる

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2012-10-10 03:53
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2012-10-10 04:23
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