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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
45569
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
45570
45571
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
45572
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
45574
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
45575
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
45576
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
45577
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
45578
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
45579
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
45580
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
45581
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
45596
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
45598
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
45599
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
45600
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
45601
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
45602
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
45603
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
45605
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
45606
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
45607
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
45609
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
45610
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
45611
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
45612
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
45613
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
45614
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
45615
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
45616
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
45617
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
45618
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
45619
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
45620
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
45621
If you are going through hell, keep going.
45622
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
45623
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
45624
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
45625
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
45626
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
45627
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
45628
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
45629
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
45630
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
45631
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
45632
If a man does his best, what else is there?
45633
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
45634
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
45635
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
45636
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
45638
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
45647
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
45648
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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45651
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
45652
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
45653
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
45654
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
45655
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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45662
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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45693
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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45698
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
45699
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
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A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
45707
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
45708
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
45709
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
45710
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
45711
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
45712
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
45713
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
45714
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
45715
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
45716
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
45717
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
45718
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
45719
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
45720
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
45721
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
45722
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
45723
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
45724
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
45725
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
45726
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
45727
45728
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
45729
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
45730
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
45731
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
45732
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
45733
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
45734
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
45735
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
45736
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
45737
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
45738
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
45739
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
45740
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
45741
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
45742
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
45743
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
45744
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
45745
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
45746
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
45747
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
45748
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
45749
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
45750
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
45751
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
45752
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
45753
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
45754
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
45755
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
45756
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
45757
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
45758
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
45759
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
45760
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
45761
Barab疽i's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
45762
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
45763
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
45764
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
45765
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
45766
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
45767
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
45768
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
45769
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
45770
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
45771
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
45772
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
45773
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
45774
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
45775
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
45776
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
45777
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
45778
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
45779
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
45780
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
45781
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
45782
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
45783
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
45784
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
45785
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
45786
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
45787
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
45788
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
45789
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
45790
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
45791
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
45792
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
45793
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
45794
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
45795
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
45796
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
45797
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
45798
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
45799
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
45800
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
45801
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
45802
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
45803
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
45804
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
45805
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
45806
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
45807
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
45808
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
45809
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
45810
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
45811
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
45812
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
45813
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
45814
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
45815
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
45816
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
45817
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
45818
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
45819
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
45820
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
45821
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
45822
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
45823
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
45824
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
45825
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
45826
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
45827
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
45828
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
45829
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
45830
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
45831
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
45832
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
45833
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
45834
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
45835
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
45836
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
45837
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
45838
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
45839
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
45840
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
45841
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
45842
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
45843
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
45844
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
45845
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
45846
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
45847
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
45848
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
45849
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
45850
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
45851
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
45852
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
45853
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
45854
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
45855
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
45856
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
45857
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
45858
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
45859
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
45860
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
45861
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
45862
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
45863
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
45864
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
45865
The truth is more important than the facts.
45866
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
45867
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
45868
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
45873
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
45874
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
45875
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
45876
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
45877
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
45878
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
45879
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
45880
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
45881
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
45882
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
45883
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
45884
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
45889
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
45890
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
45891
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
45892
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
45893
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
45894
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
45895
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
45896
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
45897
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
45898
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
45899
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
45900
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
45901
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
45907
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
45908
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
45909
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
45910
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
45911
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
45912
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
45913
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
45914
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
45915
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
45916
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
45917
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
45922
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
45923
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
45924
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
45925
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
45926
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
45927
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
45928
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
45929
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45930
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
45931
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
45932
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
45933
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
45939
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
45940
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
45941
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
45947
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
45948
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
45949
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
45950
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
45951
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
45952
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
45953
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
45954
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
45955
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
45956
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
45962
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
45963
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
45964
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
45965
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
45981
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45983
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
45985
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
45989
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
45990
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
45991
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
45992
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
45993
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
45994
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
45995
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
46003
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
46004
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
46010
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
46011
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
46017
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
46019
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
46020
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
46021
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
46022
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
46023
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
46024
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
46025
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
46026
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
46027
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
46028
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
46029
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
46035
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
46036
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
46037
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
46038
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
46039
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
46040
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
46041
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
46042
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
46043
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
46044
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
46045
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
46046
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
46047
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
46048
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
46049
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
46050
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
46051
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
46052
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
46053
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
46054
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
46055
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
46056
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
46057
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
46058
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
46059
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
46060
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
46061
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
46062
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
46063
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
46064
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
46065
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
46066
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
46067
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
46068
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
46069
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
46070
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
46071
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
46072
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
46073
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
46074
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
46075
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
46076
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
46077
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
46078
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
46079
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
46080
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
46081
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
46082
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
46083
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
46084
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
46085
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
46086
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
46087
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
46088
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
46089
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
46090
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
46091
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
46092
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
46093
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
46094
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
46095
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
46096
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
46097
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
46098
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
46099
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
46100
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
46101
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
46102
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
46104
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
46105
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
46106
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
46107
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
46108
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
46109
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46110
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
46111
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
46112
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
46113
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
46114
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
46115
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
46116
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
46117
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
46121
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
46124
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
46125
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
46126
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
46127
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
46128
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
46129
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
46130
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
46131
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
46132
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
46133
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
46134
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
46135
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
46136
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
46137
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
46138
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
46139
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
46140
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
46141
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
46142
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
46143
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
46144
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
46145
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
46146
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
46147
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
46148
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
46149
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
46150
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
46151
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
46152
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
46153
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
46154
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
46155
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
46156
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
46157
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
46158
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
46159
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
46160
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
46161
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
46162
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
46166
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
46167
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
46168
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
46169
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
46170
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
46171
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
46172
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
46173
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
46174
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
46175
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
46176
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
46177
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
46178
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
46179
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
46180
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
46181
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
46182
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
46183
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
46184
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
46185
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
46186
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46187
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
46188
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
46189
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
46190
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
46191
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
46192
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
46193
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
46194
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
46195
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
46196
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
46197
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
46198
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
46199
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
46200
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
46201
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
46202
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
46203
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
46204
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
46205
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
46206
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
46207
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
46208
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
46209
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
46210
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
46211
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
46212
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
46213
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
46214
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
46215
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
46216
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
46217
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
46218
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
46219
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
46220
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
46221
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
46222
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
46223
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
46224
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
46225
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
46226
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
46227
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
46228
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
46229
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
46230
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
46231
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
46232
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
46233
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
46234
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
46235
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
46236
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
46237
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
46238
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
46239
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
46240
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
46241
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
46242
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
46243
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
46244
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
46245
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
46246
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
46247
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
46248
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
46249
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
46250
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
46251
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
46252
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
46253
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
46254
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
46255
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
46256
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
46257
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
46258
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
46259
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
46260
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
46261
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
46262
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
46263
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
46264
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
46265
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
46266
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
46267
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
46268
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
46269
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
46270
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
46271
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
46272
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
46273
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
46274
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
46275
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
46276
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
46277
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
46278
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
46279
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
46280
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
46281
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
46282
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
46283
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
46284
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
46285
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
46286
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
46287
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
46288
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
46289
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
46290
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
46291
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.